Presented today with absolutely no context whatsoever
THINGS SAID IN MY HOUSE THIS MORNING.
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If you do the Chicken Dance again I’m going to tell on you.
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Mom’s birthday present is biting me!
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Would you stop killing yourself? It’s boring.
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Yay I have a mustache! So do I! My mustache looks better than yours. No it doesn’t. Whose mustache looks better?
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That’s stupid. They should deliver pizza for breakfast. Whataburger’s open 24 hours.
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Stop drawing pictures all over the Cheez-It’s box. I’m not kidding. Stop it right now. You’re going to make them all un-edible.
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All the animals hate me!!! No they don’t, they just don’t like you.
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Listen. We do not turn on the printer in this house.
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Does everything have to be answered with a Monty Python quote Mom? It’s annoying.
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I am the captain! I am the captain! Full speed ahead!
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Buffer, dangit! BUFFER! I hate that word.
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If she bites this and gets electrocuted, it’s your fault.
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Check it. I’m in a hot tub. I’m hotubbing it. In a hot tub, hotubbing. That’s a laundry basket.
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I like ALL the primary colors and green, now stop asking me questions!
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You are crazy. You have cats. You are a lady. Therefore you are a “Crazy Cat Lady”.
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Who broke my phaser? It will only stun people now, not kill them
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Are you against Mom too? If she gets in my way of world domination, then yes.
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I was not making out with Steve!
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I’m going to play with the brother who is NOT a jerk.
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You don’t know anything about science.
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Elvis, do you need to go to the bathroom? Huh? Do you?
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That so was NOT Boba Fett. You have no idea what you’re talking about.
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You see this? This is sexy. You can never reach this level of sexy.
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You can’t go. You’re too old and too fat.
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MOM! Stop watching Buffy!
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If you figure out the pass-code on my phone one more time, I’m going to change it!
THANK YOU. COME AGAIN.
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