You know what I am? Squirrelly. I know, I know – you ‘re not surprised. BUT – I was given an award for being squirrelly. My friend over at The Sadder But Wiser Girl said that it was because I was a whole heck of a lot of fun. So we are going to work under the assumption that this award is a compliment.
I have to tell you seven “squirrely” things about me. Here is the fab award created by Menopausal Mother. Impressed, aren’t you? (I’ll get around to awarding others later. Promise.)
Image may be NSFW.
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SEVEN SQUIRRELY THINGS ABOUT ME
(Because I know you were dying to know more – right? “Please tell us more about you Tracy!! That will make us come to your blog more often. ” Also. Like you don’t already know that I’m in prime shape for committal. )
1. I can’t order a pizza over the phone. Because what if I mess up and as soon as I hang up the people at the pizza place start making fun of me? (This also goes for any delivery or pick up order.)
2. I dress inappropriately for work. And for a 38 year old. But I don’t care. I LOVE Forever 21 and H & M. And my hooker shoes.
3. I go to www.themoviespoiler.com and read about what happens in evey drama and horror movie that comes out. Dramas because I’m not paying $15 freaking dollars to leave a theater crying and I want to enjoy the movie and my anxiety ridden self won’t be able to enjoy the movie if I don’t know what happens. Horrors because I don’t want to see that crap – it’s gross – but I want to know what happens.
4. I judge people who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom and people who take their children to the store nekkid. Well. Basically nekkid.
5. I read Stephen King’s six-
6. I eat all the Oreos and tell the kids it was Super Awesome Husband that ate them all.
7. I don’t eat blue candy. And I am still furious at Fun Dip for getting rid of “Lime” and replacing it with that craptastic color changing Blue Raspberry shizz. FURIOUS.
And now for something completely different.
You’ve missed my Banter With Aaron, haven’t you? Whatever and too bad. I’m giving you new banter anyway.
Aaron’s been super busy, as you can tell:
He polished a coffee pot.Image may be NSFW.
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Made fish tacos.Image may be NSFW.
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Cleaned out his pool.Image may be NSFW.
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Impressed his neighbors with his drinking skillz.Image may be NSFW.
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So you can see why bantering would be the last thing on his list. (::sarcasm font::)
Luckily, he finally had time for me. Imma make Aaron green, okay?
Can we really have too many things to do?
Oh. So now you want to talk. I’m so over you. I have a new banter partner now. Myself. And when I talk to myself it’s way funnier than talking to you. That’s a lie. When I talk to myself I just sound more crazy than I already am.
We know you talk to yourself all the time and you started this blog so you can pretend your internal monologue is directed at strangers.
Whatever. And to answer your question – I always have too many things to do. Sad that I wasn’t born a Trust Fund baby. There’s this dude who lives downtown that invested in a few hedge funds and BAM. He doesn’t have to do anything with the rest of his life. He’s not married, has no kids and spends his days going from restaurant to restaurant, bar to bar. Total waste if you ask me. Seriously – think of all the cool stuff he could be doing?
AGREE! When I bring up winning the lotto 99% of the time the other person says it would be cool, but they would get bored. Really?!? Endless possibilities with the one true hurtle (other than time) having been removed. I’d take cooking classes, bomb down mountain bike trails that I have only read about in magazines, leave thousand dollar tips, spearfish in the best spots in the world, throw parties for friends, buy art, support kickstarter projects… holy sh** the list goes on and on and on. My only constraint would be time.
Speaking of – am I too passionate about cooking, beer and being outdoors?
There’s no such thing as too passionate. Unless you are passionate about meth. That’s bad. I know this because I watch Breaking Bad. Meth is bad news. And people who are passionate about it have really gross teeth and they also get ugly. Really, really ugly.
Have you ever noticed there are no are no funny meth stories? “Hey, guess what I ended up doing for the last three days while doing meth?”
Check it – I just picked up a new hobby, freediving. Let me tell you from the beginning, it’s not ‘free’…
Freediving sounds awesome! I assume that’s like base jumping, but into water? I wanted to jump out of an airplane a few years ago for my birthday and my mother called and said if something went wrong my children would be motherless so could I please wait until they were all grown-ups at least. Major guilt trip. Didn’t jump out of a plane.
Ummmm…no. Freediving is going diving underwater without scuba gear.
I knew that. Shut up.
Do you drink coffee? I really only like my coffee in the extremes. It’s either slowly easing me in to the day or I want it to just run up and punch me in the face.
Coffee is Dirt Water. “Add cream and sugar!” Dirt Water with cream and sugar. “But what about mochas? YUM!” Dirt Water with chocolate.
Aaron? Hey Aaron?! That’s fine. I was totally done talking to you anyway. I guess you must have had an emergency nap YOU NEEDED TO TAKE ON THE BEACH.