In the hopes that I may spare you some pain and agony, I am sharing with you some Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Ideas. Godspeed young Padawan. Grasshoppa’. Whatever.
1. Excitedly downloading the iPhone “Oregon Trail” App because you had so much fun playing it as a child. Then squealing with delight that you can name your characters so you create a little “Oregon Trail” version of your family. And then the screen tells you that your daughter has died of Dysentery and utterly horrified you delete the App. And you maybe shed a few actual tears over a stupid iPhone App.
2. Going back to work a week and a half after you’ve had your first baby because hey, you’re bored and you can take your newborn son with you and just set him up in your office because the boss said it was okay. The thing is, you’re not as okay as you think you are and when you are changing the first diaper at work because it was wet, he will start pooping as soon as you put a new diaper under him and when you lift his little tiny legs in the air to wipe his bottom, he will tinkle again, but this time he will tinkle in his eye. He will start crying, you will start crying and then your husband will have to rescue everyone, including your boss, by taking you home.
3. Arriving at Six Flags as soon as they open to check out the new roller coaster and riding it six times in a row because no else is there. You will notice on 6th ride during the 2nd sideways Loop de Loop your brain has been jostled so much you will have tunnel vision for a short period. TUNNEL VISION. You would have to be idiotic to ride something like that six times in a row. Moron.
4. Telling your parents you started blogging. You know how much they worry about you? Do you realize how much MORE they are going to worry about you now? Why would any person do that to her parents? Especially parents as loving and caring Ward/Moondoggy and June/Gidget Cleaver? Also. All that stuff you tell your kids not to tell your parents? They’ll just read about it on your blog you nitwit.
5. Going to work the day after you had all four wisdom teeth removed because you feel fine. You will not feel fine by noon and have to go home and your husband will have to rescue you AGAIN. Then when you go to work the next day you will make a phone call and be told that by the person on the other end of the line that you both talked about this yesterday. For almost an hour. You will not remember this conversation because you were doped up on pain medication. And you will feel like a nincompoop. Because you are. And the other person knows it now too.
6. Bonus! Making a list of all of your Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Ideas and realizing that you have so many that if that’s all you blogged about, you’d have enough blogging material for the rest of your life. Le sigh
Have you had any Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Ideas lately? (This is the part where you say yes! and then comment so I will feel better.)
